The Revolution and the Evolution of a Migraineur

Another new site

2006-07-08T15:51:00.000-07:00

My very own online party site:

http://www.freewebs.com/betterthanasale/

PS...

2006-07-06T01:59:00.000-07:00

I forgot to invite you to my next "apperance" at an online party.

Please join me Friday at 12:30pm Eastern, 9:30am Pacific as I represent Stuff A Friend. My special is free gift with purchase.

Go to this link on Friday to find me: http://www.funshoppingplace.com/schedule.html

It's a 2-day event that starts Thursday with a lot of my new vendor-friends. Please support them through their businesses if you are interested in their products.

On Friday,please come out and support me. Just stop in and say hi, you don't even have to make a purchase. Just click on "Enter Room Here" and away you'll go.

Ok, I did say I was tired. I'm carrying on too much.

TTFN!

Now that my birthday is over...

2006-07-06T01:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, didn't really advertise this one, but I turned 36 on Wednesday.

It's not like I was trying to hide it, but all my focus has been on getting my internet-based businesses going and then planning for a 4-night trip to Vegas in honor of my birthday.

The trip was great. We stayed a few nights at the Flamingo and a night at the Rio. It was my parents, my 2 daughters, and me. We all took turns looking after the girls at the pool, strolling the strip at night (not during the heat of the day), and going in the hotel gift shops. The pool at the Flamingo was great. We splashed around, went down water slides, and went in the wading pool.

All the buffets were tasty (surprising!) and I had a few soft drinks while playing the slot machines (interactive penny and nickel slots and quarter video poker).

The girls enjoyed the Show in the Sky at the Rio, and of course we took them to Circus Circus for some kiddy fun.

All in all it was a nice trip and now I am 36. I'm ok with it. I am still young at heart.

Now I just have to finish up 2 assignments for an online class, and decide if I am going to pay for the 3 classes I have scheduled for fall. My priorities have shifted with taking on the online businesses. Some how Health Unit Coordinator is taking a back burner. And again, I'm ok with that. I have the luxury of not rushing school. I have the luxury of giving some time to my new little seeds of industry, hoping and praying they will thrive.

It's late and I'm tired, and getting kind of slap-happy. I'm going to get some sleep and deal with everything tomorrow.

So much to catch up on at home...laundry, email, updating my spreadsheets for my businesses, online banking, bill paying, etc.

Why is it alwasy like that when coming home from a trip?

My next trip is October 9-13. A family road trip to Disneyland. The kids have one week of Fall Break and we will spend it their way. I am really looking forward to it because we are staying "on campus" this time. Normally we stay at the Anaheim Marriot Suites, for the "suite" part. I convinced my husband that for only $200 more we could stay at one of the Disney properties. We give up the suite part for a standard room, but we will be so much closer, we don't have to worry about the shuttle schedule, and we will truly be in the heart of it all, immersed in all things Disney.

Like I said, it's late and I'm tired.

Night

You are invited to a party

2006-06-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

An online party:

http://www.onlinevendorparties.net/jaime4.htm

Join me as I launch my new online business, along with other vendors representing several buisnesses

Thursday, June 29 from 9am to 9pm EST.

Tell them "Lynelle sent me"

Things keep getting better

2006-06-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

I'm on a roll....check this out:

http://www.freewebs.com/lynelleh/

New Project

2006-06-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, well, I don't really know if I can post this here on my blog, and I tried to email Blogger with this but they only referred me back to their site, so.... here I go...I'm just going to do it.

I started a new internet-based business.

Check it out: http://www.stuffafriend.biz/members/trixy/

Yes, I know, always something new with me...right? Well quite a while ago I thought about becoming a Noah's Ark consultant, but this is the same concept and there was ZERO money to start up. It's all up to the internet now....

Oh, and I aced my online class.

Things that are good about today

2006-06-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

1. My head doesn't hurt too much

2. I am thinking about placing a Lands End order.

3. I am listening to good MP3s and ITunes.

4. The house isn't too messy.

5. I am looking forward to running a few errands.

6. I have some paperwork organized for mailing (mail order rx, etc)

7. I feel calm, in control, and happy.

8. I am eager to take my final exam for my first online class (need to go take it in person but they have a child care area where I can deposit my 2 kids while I take the exam).

9. We have decided to go to Disneyland in October (just need to decide between 2 hotels).

10. Just feeling good and happy!

Wednesday Activity

2006-06-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my daughters and I did a mystery activity. My husband drew a slip of paper from a mug Tuesday, and on it was one of the activities we planned: swimming at a high school pool.

Now, this was no ordinary pool. It has a lazy river, a toddler splash playground, and a small water slide. For the other kids there were 3 bigger water slides, and of course a lap-swimming pool.

We had a great time. We were there about an hour, which was long enough wading through knee-deep water to keep up with my kids.

But a few hours after we got home, the "sun-and-heat headache" struck.

I popped a few indocin capsules and rest for the remainder of the day.

But the pool was fun. We will do that again. It only cost $2 for the 3 of us to get in. Next time we will bring a lunch and spend more time there.

Busy bus busy/chose "Wednesday Activity"

2006-06-06T22:48:00.000-07:00

Well, the online class has been going well. So well I signed up for another one that starts later this month. I'm on a roll now.

And, our Wednesday Summer Activity selection has begun.

My husband drew a slip of paper from a mug and the activity we will do tomorrow is....swimming at a local high school pool that has water slides and a toddler wading pool. Should run us less than $5 for the 2 girls and me.

It should be fun.

Online class

2006-05-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today was supposed to be the day I started my online healthcare class.

But nothing happened. I didn't any email or instructions.

I sent an email and left a message for the instructor but have not heard back.

Now what do I do???

I did it!

2006-05-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

Did what you ask?

Two things.

One, I did in fact register and pay for my half-credit online class from a community college which starts May 30. A whopping $35. No textbook required, so this should be a good preview for me of what an online course is like, plus get me back in a school frame of mind.

I haven't taken a class since, um, well, I guess it was 1992? Creative Writing. I passed.

I do have an Associate's degree in Travel Agent Technology. I was either a travel agent or airline reservations agent for over 12 years.

Ok, what was the other thing I did?

I have been wanting to buy an American Girl doll for each of my two daughters. If you know this product line, you know it ain't cheap. The online price at their company website for one doll, one outfit, excluding tax and shipping is $87. I bought a used one on ebay for $42.35. That's better than half price! Granted, $42 is a bit much for a doll, but there are some features you are paying for with this doll.

Now my challenge is to buy another one for my other daughter. My limit was $35, but I saw these dolls going for more and more everyday. The particular one I bought was sitting at $41 for about an hour prior to the end of the auction. I couldn't believe it. I kept waiting for someone to start running up the bids during the last 2 minutes, but it didn't happen. And I'll be darned if I was going to let someone get this prize for $41. So I calculated my absolute highest bid I would consider, factored in shipping and insurance, and came up with a bid of $42.35. It happened to be the winning bid!

Hooray for me.

Now I have to snag another one for the other daughter, and I am making it harder on myself by trying to beat the price of the first one.

Wish me luck...

Troubled

2006-05-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

I got my first job in high school at the age of 15. I started as a grocery store bagger and stayed with the company through my completion of community college, being promoted to salad bar prep clerk and then to deli clerk. At one point I was working 40 hours a week and taking 15 credit hours. I was young and ambitious.

I continued to work full time until the birth of my first child when I was 30. I had 12 weeks materity leave and then went back working 20 hours a week (two-10hour days on weekends to avoid the whole child care issue).

I liked the best of both worlds...stay at home mom on weekdays and engaging in the workforce and talking to coworkers on weekends.

But I had to quit due to the migraines.

It has been about 3 years since I "worked". I tried doing mystery shopping assignments but it wasn't worth the effort.

Now I want to sell dolls on Ebay. I want to buy them cheap with a store coupon and sell them for profit.

Why?

I need to feel productive.

I need to have a project that is mine, that uses my selling skills. I have the working drive in me.

ANd this has me frustrated and stressed.

Why do I nneed to do this? To feel validated as a person? To show I can accomplish something? I want to be successful and rewarded.

No one gives me praise and regular evaluations as a homemaker. No one says "great job, here's a gift card to Starbucks" the way my most recent employer did. I like those little recognitions.

And I miss them.

And, I read a magazine add for bipolar and I think I want to talk to my doctor about it.

I can't do anything about anything right now. I need to wait to have an appointment for the bipolar thing, and I need to wait for my Sunday paper to come with the store's discount coupon to go buy the doll and then list it one Ebay.

I want action now, but I'm forced to wait.

Did I ever mention my inability commit?

2006-05-14T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am what I consider "flakey".

I flake out on a lot of ideas,plans, decisions, etc.

In other words, no, I haven't paid my $35 tuition for an online summer school community college course.

And no, I probably won't.

It doesn't seem as important right now.

Instead I am going to focus on being my daughter's Daisy Girl Scout troop leader starting in September.

Why?

Well, I've always wanted to be her troop leader and she's finally old enough.

And, I will have my entire family's support with this decision.

With the whole "going back to school" issue, no one would understand and they would tell me not to "push myself" because my pain would get worse.

Did you see this coming?

Parathyroid update

2006-05-12T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I got the old "wait and retest in 4 months".

Could have been worse. It could have been restest in 6 months.

Apparently 2 of 3 factors registered high. The other registered normal. If all 3 had been high I would be sent for a CT of my neck/parathyroid. Since only 2 of the 3 registered high I need to show one more test for insurance purposes before I can have the CT and actually start getting down to a treatment/surgery.

I'm bummed. I wanted to go forth with the CT asap. But for insurance snags, I need to wait. 4 months.

No, I haven't paid my tuition yet.

2006-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

I will wait until over the weekend. My deadline is next Wednesday.

I am feeling apprehensive about it. I can take it as slowly as I want, but I am starting to feel the pressure of deadlines and making an "A" in the class. I settle for nothing less than a B, and of course I will strive for the A.

Tomorrow I meet with my primary care doctor about the elevated calcium levels that showed up twice in blood tests.

I will be armed with print outs from the internet about the symptoms of parathyroid disease, especially the symptoms I have. I hope she refers me to a surgeon or at least an endocrinologist who specializes in this field.

I want my parathyroid removed asap if it is diseased.

Still here, decisions

2006-05-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, well, in a moment of feeling well I decided to return to school to become a Health Unit Coordinator.

There is a nearby community college that offers a certificate of completion for this field, and I can take about half of the required courses online instead of in a traditonal classroom.

This appeals to be (the online part) because I can do my studying and/or input data online when I feel up to it. If I scheduled a traditional class on Tuesdays and Thursday from 9-10am, what would I do if I had severe pain and couldn't attend class?

The field of work appeals to be because I would be in a medical setting, hopefully the new hospital a few miles away that opens later this month, and I wouldn't actually be touching patients. I don't think I could do things like start an IV, give an injection, or even take someone's vital signs. And I don't want to be a pharmacist (hate chemistry, and hate pressure).

So, I am enrolled in 1 course this summer at will take place from late May to late June. Then in the fall I will take a 1-day CPR class and 2 online classes.

I anticipate finishing the program during the fall 2008 semsester. I am not being agressive with classes at all. I plan to take my time, having the luxury of devoting my studies to a few classes at a time.

Tomorrow I might wake up with a headache and change my mind about all of this, but for the last few days it has remained important to me.

Also, I am applying for scholarships. Very unconvetional ones. Loftbed.com offers one not based on GPA or activities, but on unique answers to specific questions. I can be creative, which is what they are looking for, so I am in the process of forming stellar answers. Their deadline is July so I have some time.

There are also scholarships for women in their 30s returning to school after more than a 5 year absense. That is me completely!

So, maybe my next post will be to say that I paid my tuition, or maybe it will be to say that I backed out of the summer class, or maybe it will be to say I'm going to wait for a few more semesters to start.

Regardless, I am submitting my application to the college to be admitted to this program (already admitted and enrolled in the college).

Wish me luck!

PS...A health unit coordinator works in a hospital or similar setting doing paperwork and basically being a secretary for the doctors and nurses (making test appointments, ordering meals, taking inventory, etc...just NOT touching an actual patient).

Appointment switched to May 12

2006-05-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

I was able to move my appointment from the 15th to the 12th. Progress, I guess.

This appointment is to talk about the high calcium levels in my blood and for me to light a fire under them to do something about it rather than "wait 6 months and test again".

Home again, but tired and conflicted

2006-05-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

The trip was wonderful. The kids were great on the flights. The room was comfortable, the food was delicious, and the sites were fantastic.

We are still trying to get back on Arizona time. For the last 2 days my kids have slept past 10am. This was fine on Tuesday as they don't start school until 11:30am. But today, Wednesday, we got up too late to go to cheerleading class which starts at 10:30am. There wasn't enough time to get them up, fed, and excited about it within 10-15minutes to give us enough time to drive to the rec center. Oh well.

While I was gone my dr's office called with my latest blood test results. I had tests on April 6 and April 20. Both revealed high calcium levels which sounds to me like parathyroid disease (thanks internet).

The dr said to wait 6 months and test again.

I don't like that answer. I want to take action now. If I do indeed need to have one of my four parathyroid glands removed, I want to do it sooner rather than later. This is because I believe a lot of my daily complaints could be fixed with this possible diagnosis and possible surgery. Depression, constipation, headaches, moodiness, etc. Sounds vague, but given the high calcium levels it fits.

So I have an appointment on May 15 to meet with the physcian's assistant to go over my lab results. WHy couldn't they just refer me to either an endocrinologist or a surgeon? I want this fixed now.

This dr's office seems to drag their feet on all this stuff. Don't they understand that this is my life? My general well-being? Have they asked me if I'm depressed, constipated, or moody? They know for sure I have daily headaches. I feel as though I'm invisible and I have to be an advocate for myself. This just seems to be how it is these days.

Oh well, I guess I sit tight until the appointment on May 15. In the mean time I'll jsut drive myself batty looking up parathyroid stuff on the internet. I feel as though it's too late to find a new primary care doctor who would just start from square one.

Aloha

2006-04-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

Leaving Wednesday, coming home Monday.

Gone to Hawaii!

A little tired

2006-04-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I have started setting things aside that need to be packed for the vacation. I have one laundry basket full of clothes for the girls, one laundry basket started with clothes for my husband and me, and one laundry basket full of things like toiletries, card games, and snack food.

This helps me get a visual of what size suitcase to use.

I plan to clean the house and finish off all the laundry by tomorrow afternoon so we can come home to a clean house.

Today or tomorrow I will go to the bank and get travelers checks and what we call "walking cash" to spend on things like quick lunches and zoo admissions.

It's all falling into place quite nicely.

Except for some insomnia. I stopped taking my sleeping pill a few weeks ago and started taking a new preventative Friday night, so I am hoping as I increase the dose of the preventative it will help me sleep. No such luck so far.

Ok, off to stock up on a few more snack foods.

T-minus 5 nights and counting...

2006-04-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

Five more nights at home before jetting off to Honolulu.

I told my husband I am ready to bring out a suitcase and he didn't give me a hard time about it being too early.

I pointed out the little stash of food I have collecting on my dresser (mac n cheese, granola bars, fruit chews, a can of Spam...) and he smiled. I think he's ready to start packing, too.

About the Spam...it's very popular in Hawaii. In fact, you can go to local restaurants and order spam served with rice and macaroni salad. While we are in Waikiki there is going to be the 4th annual Spam Jam, which is a festival celebrating Spam. We were there in 2004 for the 2nd annual Spam Jam and it was fun. They close off one of the main roads just off the beach and set up band stands and a dozen or so food tents where chefs make cuisine out of Spam. We intend to partake of a little exotic food sampling.

But the can of Spam I am taking is to try to get an upgraded room at our hotel. They are running a promotion where if you donate a can of Spam upon check in you can get a room upgrade based on availablity.

Hey, I'm all for getting more for my money.

And regarding the indocin suppository vs. indocin tablets issue...I had my neuro's office call in the tablets. I'll give the tablets a try for 2 reasons. 1. There will be a zero co-pay (read: free) for the tablets instead of over $100 for the suppositories. 2. It's easier to travel with a bottle of pills than a bottle of suppositories that needs to stay chilled.

I pick up the new meds (indocin tablets and nortiptyline) in about an hour.

Hopefully all the planets and stars will be in alignment and there won't be any problems sorting out the insurance stuff. Both prescriptions should be free with my insurance. (Finally getting a break...but that nasty DHE is neary $100 for 10 vials).

Oh, and I expect my Lands' End shipment to arrive today. That was a nice suprise when I tracked the package and saw it should be delivered today. Maybe I can wear some of my new stuff to a party we're going to tomorrow.

And I'm not too worried about the latest "high calcium level, need to check your parathyroid function" drama. I am tired, cranky, have had headaches and irregular heartbeats. Those are all symptoms. If I have a growth on one of my parathyroid glands, fine, take it out and I'll get on with life. maybe I'll even feel better.

Have a great weekend, readers.

Plan A and Plan B

2006-04-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

Plan A:

Go on vacation and forget all this medical drama (insurance issues in getting prescriptions filled, new medical problems coming up in blood work, etc).

Plan B:

Start packing now, including making lists of everything we are taking (especially the toys) to ensure we come home with all of it (plus all the new souvenirs); work myself into a frenzy making sure I have every detail taken care of.

I sure want to be carefree and just "go on vacation" next week.

But the planner in me (or is it the worrier?) wants to start getting organized.

I have been fairly calm until today, when I realized we are boarding our flight in 6 days. This is the longest trip and farthest trip with the kids we have taken yet. A roughly 6-hour flight for a 5 night vacation in Hawaii.

I have been buying travel sizes and necessities for months as so not to overload the budget just before we leave. This includes the $9 tube of 50 SPF sunscreen. The last thing I want is a sun-blistered family. The comfort factor would be severely impacted, and let's not forget that a sunburn now can mean skin cancer later, especially for the kids.

So, I just need to chill out until Monday when I start the real packing.

I hope I can hold out that long.

If I even bring the suitcases out of the closet, my husband will roll his eyes and wonder why I am even thinking about packing this soon.

In the mean time maybe I'll try to decide if I should shell out the cash price for the indocin suppositories ($110 for 50 I think) or ask for a pill form that is less effective. Or maybe ask for something like good old fioricet, even with the risk of sending myself down into a rebound spiral. I don't want to leave home without a good pain control med, and I am NOT taking anymore migranal or DHE due to heart issues that are still undiagnosed.

SO....I will try to sit back and rest up for the big trip.

a little "pick me up"

2006-04-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, not feeling so negative today.

Already this morning I have made plans to go out with my mom tomorrow night, and I have made an online purchase at from Lands' End. Yeah, I'm a fan of comfy, practical clothing. And you can't beat their overstocks selection for prices and choices.

So after I drop the kids off at school I need to pick up a few things at the grocery store, and maybe I will in fact go have a leisurely lunch somewhere.

The good old pollo fundido is out of the question now that I know how many grams of fat it contains (including the rice, shredded cheese, cream cheese, etc). I had no idea one meal could actually contain triple-digit grams of fat. No wonder I have been increasing in size...

SO, maybe I'll head off to another one of my favorites: a casual chinese bistro. I can get chicken and rice, or a rice bowl. All their stuff is fresh, made to order, with no fillers or msg. Yummy stuff, and considerly better in the nutrition department.

I had a talk with my kids this morning and I told them I will not tolerate misbehaving, back-talking, and fighting with each other. They are 4 and 5, girls, and maybe spending a little too much time together (they are even in the same multi-age preschool class). They are just getting on each other's nerves, which gets on my nerves.

So, yes, today is already shaping up to be a better day.

I have better focus. I am motivated to at least plan dinner.

let's just see how it goes from here, but I am quite excited about my online purchase. I am so indecisive sometimes (all the time). I will browse for weeks, then finally make my purchase and still wonder if I made the right choices (colors, styles, sizes).

But, I wanted a few new things for my vacation next week, and if I calculated correctly the package will arrive on Tuesday and I leave Wednesday. Yes, cutting it close, but the world won't end if the package arrives while I'm away. I'll make due with the clothes I have, but it would be nice if I had the new things in time.

Anyway, here's to a better day.

Smiles to all.

Big Red "Done" Stamp

2006-04-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

Ever watch Monster House? Each time the team finished a project on the build the host called it "DONE" and gave it a "Big ole red done stamp".

Well, stamp me "DONE".

I am done physically and emotionally done with today.

I have a five year old behaving badly, a head behaving badly, and a house that needs some cleaning.

No movitation. No desire, no effort, no clue what to make for dinner.

Tired of trying to figure out med schedules (going off one, starting up a new one), following up with doctors who never call back with blood work results, tired of the day-to-day stuff.

I'm frustrated with the side effects of topamax, I'm scared somethings wrong with my heart, and I just want to be healthy.

I feel as though I am aging too fast.

I hope tomorrow is better.

Let's see...what can I look forward to?

Maybe I'll go out to lunch. Oops, nope, can't do that because I want to eat healthy and lose weight.

Maybe I'll start to pack for vacation. Nope, too soon and I'll need to wear the clothes I want to pack.

Maybe I'll go in my hot tub. Nope, too hot.

Maybe I'll nap. Nope, haven't been sleeping well due to coming off some daily meds.

I'm done.

More changes to meds

2006-04-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, trying a new drug. Always interesting.

Yet another entry to make in the "drugs I have tried" list I keep. I have to write these things down because the list is too long to keep track of in my mind.

More later.

test

2006-04-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

in a minute

better

2006-04-04T15:54:00.000-07:00

There's just no rhyme or reason to it.

Yesterday I dragged myself out of bed, convinced my latest head pain was from a sinus infection or congestion. I took a hot shower and an actifed. I got on the treadmill. I drove. I walked around Target. And low and behold, I felt much better.

Today, I feel just about 90% better.

Amazing.

I just can't figure it out, and I have stopped trying.

But one thing I absolutely won't do again is take 2 hydrocodone...I don't care how desparate I get...the nausea they brought on just wasn't worth it, and they didn't help the pain anyway. I'll settle for migranal or indocin.

still bad

2006-04-03T09:24:00.000-07:00

nauseous

shaky

head tight

hurts to cough, walk, bend

hydrocodone making me more nauseous

eyes hurt

tired

tried migranal, indocin, excedrin, hydrocodone, ice packs, lidoderm patches

enough is enough

I'm fed up and starting to get worried that this wont break in time for my vacation

Let the count down begin

2006-03-31T14:47:00.000-07:00

Leaving on vacation on April 26 for 5 nights to a tropical wonderland...

looking forward to it very much...

have been there many times before:

March 1996
March 1997
May 1999
February 2000 (4 weeks pregnant with first baby)
October 2001 (4 months pregnant with second baby, left first baby home)
April 2004 (left both kids home)
Now April 2006 (both kids join us for their first time)

When did Fear enter the picture?

2006-03-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

I have always loved speed, roller coasters, and height.

Somewhere along the way Fear became more obvious or more important.

I noticed this last fall when I took my then 3-and-a-half-year-old on Space Mountain at Disneyland (fear she would fly out, fear she would get hurt, fear she would experience fear, etc). Not the case. She thrived on the adrenaline.

Ok, well, last night I took my 4-year old and 5-year old to see a performance in a huge arena. Near the top row. High from the floor. High. Really high. I mean really really high. I was getting dizzy looking down when we first found our seats, and I actually felt like we were going to fall.

Was it fear that my kids would get hurt? Was it an irrational fear that they would tumble down all those rows? I mean, nobody else's kids were just rolling down. Why would mine?

I also fear taking my kids on a cruise ship. I would love to, but I am afraid they would fall off and drown in the ocean. But you don't hear about this happening to other people's kids. Why whould it happen to mine?

In late April we are going on a family vacation to Hawaii. Our hotel room has a lanai. I am afraid the kids will fall off the lanai. Of course I am going to set them straight on the rules: they cannot be on the lanai without an adult.

Is it because I don't trust my kids to follow the rules? Do I not trust them to follow instructions? To be careful? To use common sense?

Or am I just so overprotective I fear the worst?

Or am a little "off"?

Is it them or is it me?

Me again

2006-03-27T18:19:00.000-07:00

I feel yucky so I am posting again.

it takes my mind off the nearly constant itching that is a side effect of a daily migraine preventative drug.

Plus I am in a bad pain cycle and need a distraction. I don't have the engery to clean up the house and I am tired of watching tv.

I sit here balancing an ice bag on my head.

My arms itch.

I am kind of dizzy.

I had to take my second zofran of the day for nausea.

I look forward to a better tomorrow.

I need to rest up for Wednesday night. I will be taking my 4 and 5 year old daughters downtown for a disney-princesses-on-ice performance. I get to be cool mom because this is a total surprise for them. I won't tell them until we're ready to drive there. They love the disney pricesses and they love watching ice skating, so they are going to be so amazed that such an event/performance exists.

I have never taken them to a performance like this, never taken them to the circus or anything, so this is really going to knock their socks off. I image we will buy popcorn, hot dogs, cotton candy, and souvenirs. I am sooo looking foward to spoiling my girls. I am a bit strict normally (they only drink water and white milk, they have a "carrot of the day", they have daily household chores...) so this is going to be a rip-roaring time for us.

So I need my strength to be able to pull this off.

I need to shake this pain cycle.

The reign of the queen continues

2006-03-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

yep, more dhe shots today. bummer. looks like i'm entering a pain cycle.

Return of the DHE Queen

2006-03-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

Oh, my friend the 27 gauge/3cc needle and I have been reaquainted. We had a meeting late this afternoon.

I was in need of a zofran for nausea and then the DHE for head pain. It's been awhile. Since about mid febraury. I didn't even have my little "kit" made up. Usually I have all my supplies together for one injection: the needle, the syringe, the medicine, the cotton ball, the alcohol swab, and the band aid. I actually had to gather each item from the "medicine shelf" in the closet.

But then the nausea subsided. The paind didn't. I fear it will linger.

I notice the pain coming back into my neack and shoulders.

I had a proceudre done last August to "burn" the nerves near c-2 and c-3 to kill the pain in that area. It was successful, with a 6-24 month expected time period of pain relief. I have made it for 7 months. But I don't want to go through the procuedreure again. Too costly. Well, maybe not now since I have better insurance. We'll see at the 1-year mark.., I'll revisit that again at that time.

Typing skills suck...maybe due to pain, or topamax, or insomnia. take your pick.

Cool things I did with my kids on their spring break

2006-03-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

1. Went to the zoo with friends. Free, as we are members and we take our own food and snacks into the zoo (this is permitted). Well, not really free since we had to pay for the annual membership up front, but free until next year.

2. Went to Olive Garden and split an adult lunch entree. Shared the bread sticks and soup, split the entree, all drank water. Enjoyed their free chocolate mints on the way out.

3. Had cheap manicures at the local beauty school. Each of the girls was $3.50 and I was $6. Plus the girls each had their hair done in a french braid to kill time while my nail tech was finishing up with me. And the girls and their toes done, too, again to kill time while my nail tech still finished up with me (it was her very first day with clients!).

4. Went to cheap movie day at the local cheap theater. Normally this particular theather is $2.50, but we went on the day it was $1.25. We saw Chicken Little, ate popcorn and M&M's. Plus, this theater actually serves brewed iced tea. Not that imitation stuff from the soda fountain, but honest-to-goodness-brewed-iced tea like in a real restuarant. Ok, I am an iced tea snob.

5. We to a local carnival celebrating the ostrich. This was not on my cheap list, this was full price, but our city throws this huge "Ostrich Festival" every year, so I took the kids and spent a boat load of money, but it was fun (and there were free things to do once you paid for admission like free face painting, free kids area with coloring and tricycles and musical instruments, etc).

All in all it was a great spring break, and there is one more carnival tomorrow, at which I hope to win a car or $25,000 at the raffle drawing.

More another day...

Maybe a little better

2006-03-11T17:02:00.000-07:00

Maybe (insert Drug A) is working. It's my new preventative. I have been tapering off (insert Drug B) over the last few weeks.

Same old story: I'll attribute a respite period to anything. In this case, it must be the introduction of a new daily medication. I have actually tried this drug 2 years ago but stopped due to undesirable side effects.

I have felt a bit better since the beginning of March.

Oh, and it finally rained in Phoenix for the first time in nearly 150 days.

Go figure.

Home from Vegas

2006-02-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Dropped a few bucks in the video poker and video slots, but had a great time.

Lunched at Toby Keith's I Love This Bar, brunched at the Flamingo.

Head hurt a bit.

Very tired today, shoulders and back are sore.

Wishy-washy

2006-02-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know how my family puts up with me.

I have ditched the idea of getting into the direct-sales industry with the stuffed animal thing. Just too much stress to have a commitment over my head like having to show up and do a home party/workshop.

I should just rest.

Should.

But do I? No. If I feel well, I do too much and send myself spiraling back into a pain cycle.

When will I learn?

On another note: headed to Vegas Saturday with my mom. It's my treat since my husband has been doing some really cool things with either his dad, his brother, his job, or just himself while I am home with our 2 young daughters.

So, look out Vegas, here we come.

We land around 10:15am, will drop our bags at the hotel, and head to Toby Keith's "I Love This Bar" restaurant and bar for lunch. We already checked out the menu online, and it sounds yummy.

After that we will play video poker and I like to play those crazy 20-line penny and nickel video slots where you hope to get to an interactive bonus round.

Then the next day, Sunday, we will enjoy a champagne brunch at the Flamingo, while watching penguins in a penguin-and-bird habitat. My mom told me about a new champagne drink. Well, new to us anyway. You've heard of mimosas? Champagne and orange juice? Well, there is a pointsettia, which is champagne and cranberry juice. Sounds good to me.

I don't do a lot of drinking, but since drinks are free in the casino, I will order a cape cod or a Bailey's on ice. Maybe even a hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps. I know, I know, I shouldn't drink with the meds I take for migraine, and probably shouldn't drink period, but I don't think it's a specific trigger for me.

Then Monday we'll hit a buffet for breakfast and head to the airport around 1pm to fly back to Phoenix.

SOOO looking forward to it.

Today is St. Valentine's Day. I got hubby a book, he got me roses and comfy pj's. He understands the whole comfort thing, instead of the impractical lingerie thing. Yeah!

Kidlets spilled a houseplant and its moist soil onto the beige carpet earlier today. I managed to clean up the stain it left but the odor from the carpet cleaner did me in as far as triggering some massive head pain. I used migranal spray, 100mg indocin supps, and a lidocaine patch on my forehead. Pain is subsiding and I will head to bed soon.

Looking forward to getting ready for Vegas. I have a hair appointment for Friday afternoon. My inlaws are watching the girls so I can have a peaceful appt (touch up highlights and a trim). I want to get my nails done the same day at a spa where I have a gift card, but time may not permit and I don't have anyone else to watch the girls (don't want to ask the inlaws since they're already helping during the hair appt). I might do my nails myself since they are fairly short and unattractive right now (thus not deserving of a manicure). I can usually do a good job painting them, but the professional manicure is always so much better.

Oh well, I can wait on the that decision until tomorrow, since my appt is for Friday (can still give more than a 24hr notice of cancellation).

Other than than, I'll just have to plan what to pack. The weather forecast is mostly for highs in the mid 50s and lows in the 30s with a 30 percent chance of rain each day. YUCK! I'm in Phoenix where we have been in enjoying mid to high 70s and sunshine all week/weekend.

Oh, and you can further envy me as I am getting tax refunds from both federal and state! Hooray! Last year we got a healthy refund from federal and had to pay a bit to state. This year we are getting modest refunds from both.

Those medical expenses really saved us. Too bad it meant a hysterectomy and several out-of-pocket botox treatments.

Unfortunately we are already racking up bills this year. Poor 3-year-old was in the hospital for over 72 hours for treatment of pneumonia and I am scheduled for another out-of-pocket botox treatment a week from Thursday.

But we have each other, a roof over our heads, and food on the table. For that, I am grateful.

Will post before the trip if I have anything of interest to report.

Viva Las Vegas!

The wheels are always turning...

2006-01-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

It's the entepreneur in me.

My dad and brother are constantly trying to find ways to make money the easy way. I, for one, have investing in a few such ventures and came out even but rarely ahead. At least not enough to stick with it.

So my next idea is a stuffed animal company that goes out to parties and classrooms,etc. If anyone is familiar with Build-A-Bear in malls, this is a similar thing, but you bring it to the party instead of the party going on a trip to the mall.

How did I come across this? My kids' preschool teacher asked me to help her brainstorm ideas for companies that can come to the classroom and we would have an in-school field trip. The kids are in class for 2 and half hours, and that hardly gives us enough time to take attendance, board a bus, drive to the location,etc and be back in time for dismissal. So we decided it would be better to have the field trips come to class.

We've already had a mobile puppet show come to class and the teacher asked for more ideas.

I hopped on the internet and came across a few, one that involves a local cermaics studio coming to class with all the paining supplies. Cool.

Well, then I found this stuffed animal company. It's called Noah's Ark. Sounds like it's on the up-and-up. I've done the whole Tupperware thing so I know what's involved in direct sales.

One drawback: you have to maintain a certain amount of sales each month. If it were each quarter I would be more likely to sign up. But to committ to doing 1 or 2 parties/events/committments each month seems like I'm stretching.

And the only reason I am even considering this is because right now, in this moment, and for about the last 4 hours, I have been pain-free.

Incredible.

I didn't even notice at first. I was too excited making plans in my mind about this company.

So I have been at home doing an intense migraine therapy involving me giving myself shot about every 8 hours. Shots of a medicine calle DHE. I have had this done to me in a hospital and it helped me for the short term. I have hopes that this will at least get me out of the recent pain cycle I was in and give me a few weeks of relief.

The hope is there because it's already working.

Hooray!

So, do I rock the boat and dive into a new business venture which will require a lot of my time and effort? Or do I relax and enjoy the non-pain? Is non-pain a word?

Hence, the title of this post....

Things to look forward to

2006-01-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

#1. Trip to "Vegas-Baby-Vegas" with my mom in a few weeks. Time for us to eat, go to a spa, and sleep in.

#2. Church festival on March 19. The day I will win a new car they are raffling off.

#3. April 7-9, a weekend when cyber friends come face-to-face.

#4. Trip to Hawaii in late April to early May. First real family vacation, other than car trips to Disneyland and camping.

#5. The carmel corn a friend made for me.

#6. The spa-style bath I am about to go take.

#7. The real spa I will go to in a few weeks for a mini massage.

I should know better

2006-01-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

Ok so in my quest to eat better and exercise more I have given myself an increase in pain which I know is going to get bad.

Wrong Thing #1: I ate a frozen entree for lunch. Loaded with things like yeast extract and whey.

Wrong Thing #2: I drank a "meal substitute" for lunch. Again, loaded with xantham gum and unnatural things.

Wrong Thing #3: I haven't consumed enough calories to sustain myself. To this hour I have only consumed just under 1300 calories. Just not enough for me, and that includes the homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Wrong Thing #4: I saw a sunglare (not something I can control, so not part of this whole diet issue)

So now I go , to medicate and eat a homemade oatmeal muffin and a tall glass of milk...

New Pain

2006-01-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

So now I have back pain.

It came on 8 days ago. It is low, just near or above my tailbone. It feels tight when I am resting and it seems like it makes my body freeze when I actually use my back to lift or get out of a car or chair.

I am compensating by using my arms and knees more.

But this is not good for someone with bad knees.

I have been using a heating pad and muscle relaxers.

They help some.

Last night was the only night out of those 8 that I could roll over during the night without pain. As soon as I stand up and get out of bed the pain comes back.

The only thing I can think of is a muscle spasm or over-extended muscles. I did a lot of exercise that Monday when this all started.

The other thing is I am plain-old overweight. By about 40 pounds, maybe 50. This needs to change.

I visited a weight-loss center yesterday. A famous brand, with a famous "Cheers" actress as their current spokesperson.

I did not join their program.

Their food contains too many bad migraine triggers and is too expensive.

So I am just going to really have to buckle down and eat right. Exercise? I managed to do leg lifts 2 days during these 8 that have been keeping me in pain.

I have a complete physical scheduled for early February and hopefully this will be resloved by then, but if not I will obviously talk to my doctor about it.

It's Tuesday and I have a good handle on the housework already for this week. Today will only be to clean the kitchen and cook dinner (already 1/2 way done with a load of laundry).

Tomorrow I am going out with my mom again to hear my dad play with his band. They are playing every Wednesday of this month at a local casino on an indian reservation. I love to hear them play. My dad plays drums and sings with this group. With another group he plays concertina. Very talented. I am very proud of him and his abilities. This is a 66 year old man who had a heart attack and quadruple byplass only 1 year 4 months ago. He was back with the band in less than 6 months. Incredible.

I wish I had his determination and drive to resume my former life. But of course his was an illness which one can recover from. Mine is chronic. My parents are constantly telling me to slow down and rest, especially when I feel well. At the same time I tell my dad to take it easy, too. He is retired but works 2-3 days a week if he feels like it (outside contractor).

For today I look forward to my very first golf lesson, but a female instructor who can really lend me some tips and training from one gal to another. I hope my back can endure the 30 minute lesson.

I look forward to being out in the sunshine. I can tolerate the brightness if I have my sunglasses on, and I enjoy the sun when it is cool out (only going to be in the high 60s I think).

Here's to hoping the back pain goes away soon, and the head pain continues to be tolerable as it has been for a little over a week.

Odd connection: in December I was down with severe bronchitis for several weeks. My head did not go into a huge pain cycle.

This month my back is really hurting, but my head is still ok.

Now, in between these ailments my head required a bit of medication to kill the pain.

Hmmm...is the additional pain/illness a distraction or is my body actually giving me a break and letting me deal with one condition at a time instead of giving me the double=whammy????

Reflections and Realizations

2006-01-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

I am a difficult person to live with.

I yell at my kids a lot, dirty dishes pile up in the sink, and I swing back and forth from changing churches.

I want to yell less, do the dishes right away, and remain true to my first faith.

These things trouble me.

I really want to be a mellow mom and play with my kids, giving them pleasant childhood memories. Why is it so hard? I just want them to behave, to pick up the dirty clothes when I tell them to, and to go straigh to sleep without carrying on for over 30 minutes with each other after lights-out.

I want to be able to have people come over unannounced and not be embarrased that my kitchen floor is sticky or crunchy.

I want to keep going to the church I was brought up in. My husband was raised in a slightly different religion and our kids were baptized in his religion because at the times of their birth I just saw the importance of them being baptized and I agreed to do it his way. But now I am getting stronger in my faith and tied to my church more. I like it. I want to keep going there.

But I also want to present a united front to my children. How can I do that if the 3 of them are going to a church that I am not? Do I go to my church first thing, then come home to get them and the 4 of us go to "their" church?

This is getting important because they are approaching school-age which means they need to get into a religious education program with their peers, so they are not "behind" when it comes to receiving sacraments.

AAAAHHHH!

Ok, and I can mellow out and (as David Cassidy would say) "come on get happy" while everyone is in bed. Solitude and MP3s can do wonders for me.

But then, music has always been therapy for me.

I started playing the flute at age 10, and continued in one way or another until my freshman year of college. Oh, such a transtion period.

I still have the flute and I am not as good as I used to be,

Maybe I'll pull it out tomorrow.

my kids sure like when I play for them. Now there's a childhood memory...

Mellow Yellow

2006-01-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

I'm doing alright today.

I'm having trouble spelling and typing, which I blame on my brain. The messages are having trouble getting to the right finger.

The last week has been ok.

Mild to moderate meds have kept my head in check.

I haven't needed an ice bag for about a week.

I did a pretty good job on the housework.

I even went out Wednesday night with my mom to go see my dad play drums with his polka band at a local casino. I came away ahead $11 from the casino....I like to play those crazy penny and nickel slot machines (bet 20 lines, one cent per line, try to get to interactive bonus round...).

Hubby and I tentatively planning a weekend getaway for February, but it's all dependent on getting family to watch our daughters while we're gone.

Bought airline tickets for Hawaii for late April. Hooray!

Bought and recieved and already slept on a new "Sleep Number Bed" by Select Comfort. Oh, this is going to help my aching body get some relief each night. It's a dreamy bed!

The new year is off to a good start so far.

Our goals are basic: save money.

Those girls of ours are going to be in college in about 12-13 years, and we don't have one red cent set aside for them (ok, Hawaiian vacations and major furniture purchases will be this year's only luxuries...).

My own personal secret goal tied into that is to spend a whole lot less money on medical stuff this year. 2004 was a 6-night, 7-day stay at a midwestern headache clinic, along with 2 trips for follow-up appointments. 2005 was a 2-night, 3-day stay at a local hospital for a hysterectomy, plus Botox treatments.

2006 should just be maintainence meds and appointments.

Oh, but I'll be getting the bill for the "let's make sure it's not pneumonia" x-ray any day now. It wasn't pneumonia, it was just bronchitis, but it was the week leading up to Christmas. I'll see that bill soon.

Ok, that's about all for now.

However, now that I've enjoyed my life out loud, it's sure to come tumbling down sometime this week....

Happy New Year 2006

2006-01-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Resolutions: none.

Pain: yes.

Holiday experience: mixed.

Ok, so a new year is upon us and I have been MIA for a while.

The winter holidays seem to bring more physical pain for me, which results in more emotional pain (depression, guilt, general stress).

I made it through all right but I'm still nursing a more-than-usual daily pain.

I was reading some of my fellow migraineur's blogs and realized the talent out there. You are all very good at this blogging thing.

In the back of my mind I have several fiction stories waiting to be written, but the motivation just isn't coming. My plan is to at least get a decent manuscript belted out and then seek an agent.

Problems: pain makes me sad and cynical and that would come through in the writing. Pain makes me want to curl up and sleep, not do hard work or concentrate. The other bloggers are awesome and I sit here and just vent.

I thought this was supposed to be a happy new year, but it's just the same old stuff.

Blogging

2005-12-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

Here I am, feeling much better.

The head is settled and I am driving and shopping again. Hooray!

Not much else to say or reflect upon.

Finally back online and out of bed

2005-12-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

Things have been crazy lately.

First my head put me to bed for a few days.

Then I lost my internet connection for about 3 days (so frustrating).

Then my head put me to bed, again!

So now that's I'm back into the swing of things I thought I would just blog for a little while.

I had a Botox treatment on December 1. It was a surprise thing. The kind staff at my neurologist's office has been trying to get the procedure approved with my insurance company. They finally got the green light and I scheduled the procedure for 1 week later.

I went in for a regular follow up this week and the doctor asked if I wanted to go ahead and get the botox right then and there instead of waiting 2 more days.

Oh yeah! I said let's do it.

It was fine, but it sent me into a huge migraine attack within a few hours that lasted a few days.

But I am much better.

I really, really hope this is going to help like it did the 2 other times.

Oh, and the exercise stuff....well, let's just say my knees have been feeling the effects of the treadmill ( and I only walk, not jog) so I haven't been doing it too regularly.

Not to worry....I hope to do some non-impact things like leg lifts and upper body weight and resistance stuff.

I must lose weight. I think it is important for my knees to be relieved of some pounds, and I would just be healthier overall.

Ugh. so overwhelming.

And I want to start writing a book. I have been an aspiring writer since I was 11.

Yeah, I go through those ups and downs of being motivated, but I really want it.

It would mean income. Income would mean getting off Social Security Disability, which would then mean a boost in my morale and self-esteem.

I can do it. I know I can.

I am tired of being a patient

2005-11-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

I just want to be a normal person. Someone who isn't defined by a disease. I don't want to think about which Medicare Drug Plan is best for me. I don't want ot go to my doctor or the hospital for any treatments involving IVs, side effects, or discomfort.

50/50

2005-11-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, I did in fact walk 20 minutes on the treadmill yesterday.

But I never got to the leg lifts.

It just so happened my husband bought a new car last night and instead of watching tv and doing the leg lifts, I was with him at the dealership for over 2 hours getting all the paperwork signed.

Hooray for a new car!!

It's a 2006 Dodge Charger. It's red with a sunroof and satellite radio. Very cool.

My legs are feeling the pain after yesterday's treadmill session, so maybe today I'll use the hand weights and give my upper body some exercise.

TTFN

Just checking in

2005-11-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

A Monday.

Usually a busy day, getting everyone off to school, making sure they have all their assignments, snacks, and special project items (pine cones, styrofoam balls, etc).

Still need to get on the treadmill. I decided that November 1 would be "diet and exercise" day. Yeah, that didn't happen.

I am expanding. To put it in an economist's words, I am increasing at an increasing rate.

Is it the Neurontin or is it the eating habits?

I do not stuff my face at every turn, but I have been putting my body in starvation mode (breakfast at 11am, dinner at 5pm, popcorn at 8pm). Apparently I need to eat more often, and of course add some fruits and veggies (I love my pasta and bagels).

Ok, so, am I actually going to get on the treadmill today?

All right, you got me. I'll go do it.

My goal:

20 minutes on the treadmill before driving the kids to afternoon preschool, and then random leg lifts while watching 7th Heaven tonight.

I'll check in tomorrow or later tonight with the results of my goal.

On Being Brilliant

2005-10-13T01:22:00.000-07:00

Why am I brilliant at night?

Lack of distractions? Night-owl nature? The moon is in synch with my mind?

I was reflecting upon the aging of my children. Reminder: they are in preschool! But last night I had a dream about the oldest being in kindergarten and the youngest still in preschool, and coordinating their schedules so they are in school at the same time, all the while I was trying to go back to college (now that I think about it, that actually sounds more like a nightmare).

On one hand they are young (oldest going on 5 this month), but yet they are moving up the "independence ladder" in that they will be spending more and more time at school or structured learning groups.

My babies are growing up (it's like we're raising twins because they are 17 months apart).

Ok, but back to the part where I'm brilliant (it has nothing to do with kids).

Quite a few nights ago I was suffering severe migraine pain and had taken some strong meds. I went to bed with an ice pack.

I was still awake, but quite loopy when I started creating a poem in my mind. I was almost about to get up and either write it down or boot up the laptop before I lost the words.

I was on a roll, rhyming and everything. I mean, this was good stuff!

Not that I think poetry has to rhyme. When I write for an audience (say, a class or if I'm giving it as a gift) I rhyme for them. When I write for myself, I don't bother.

It started: Only enough energy to type, not to speak
Because the whole thing just leaves me weak...

And it went on and on...and of course, in my state of being, I only had enough energy to create poems in my mind, not actually get up and write them down.

HA!

Ok, back to my kids.

Is she really going to be five years old in like, 10 days? Where is that 6 pound, 9oz, 4-days-late, labor-induction-gone-bad-turned-emergency-c-section, beautiful, full-head-of-hair, came-out-screaming-and-never-stopped, precious, INFANT?

That INFANT, who gave me months of colic, who only responded to the HIGHEST priced formula (don't get me started on the whole breastfeeding disaster), who had to have the special baby detergent, who had to have THE pacifier she came home from the hospital with (and I had to order more online to have a backup for when we lost one)?

That high-maintanence baby has turned into a high-mantanence little girl.

And I wouldn't trade her for anything. She's worth it all. ANd you know what? She's brilliant, too!

The "H" word

2005-10-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going to spell it so I don't chase it away.

I have a small amount of H-O-P-E today.

I am feeling a bit better. I am not as nauseous as in the last 3-4 days. My head pain seems to be subsiding. I am hungry. I am thirsty. I am well rested (got over 12 hours last night).

The difference: I stopped taking two recently added medications (effexor for depression and requip for restless legs syndrome). I had been taking one of these (effexor) two years ago for about a two month duration. The other (requip) I had never taken before.

I will add them back one at a time to determine if one or the combination of both was making me queasy.

As far as the head pain, I have too many theories about that, so I'll just keep medicating.

Brought out the Big Guns

2005-10-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

The heavy artillery has been called upon. It's been almost a year since I've had to give myself an injection of pain medicine. It leaves a strange taste in my mouth and makes me a little queasy.

Yes, pain has returned to my head.

In a big way.

So I'll just medicate and wait it out. It's been 5 days so far. The pain broke for a few hours on Saturday night and again on Sunday afternoon, fooling me into thinking I was "over it" each time.

No such luck.

I'm leaving on a trip next Wednesday for 5 nights to go to a cousin's wedding near the Illinois/Indiana border. My 2 pre-school daughters, my parents, my brother, and his girlfriend and I are all travelling on the same flights. My husband joins us one day later, and leaves one day earlier than we do.

My almost-5-year old is one of two flower girls in the wedding. She will look cute.

If only I can enjoy myself during that trip, everything will be fine...

Hooray for Friday!

2005-09-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

Although I'm happy it's Friday, I have some other things getting me down.

First, I feel drugged.

That is obvious as I have recently started taking effexor and am titrating up to the suggested dose.

And I have a new med for restless legs: requip.

Through all of this I am titrating down off neurontin.

Lots of med changes in my system.

Leaves me tired from the new meds and mildy withdrawl-like getting off the old med.

But I guess I'll just keep on keeping on.

Tired

2005-09-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

Exhausted
Feeling auras and other wacky sensations
Discouraged
Feeling head pain
House is a mess

Up again, down again

2005-09-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

Up again:
1. Insomnia
2. Hopeful about conquering head pain
3. Feeling calm
4. Opening the mini blinds in my house
5. Not constantly wearing sunglasses outdoors

Down again:
1. Insomnia
2. Still feeling some head pain
3. Feeling tired, sleepy, sad, depressed

I'm still a mess.

The radiofrequency procedure to elimiate the sensation of pain (cut the nerves in my neck to prevent the pain signals to connect) has made a huge improvement in the pain I can feel.

I feel less pain in my head, but still some sort of tight sensation. It's wierd.

And I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall.

I have 3 appointments coming up within a 5 day period with the pain management doctor who did the surgery, my primary neurologist for a check up, and the main neurologist in the practice to address medication for restless legs syndrome.

Yeah, still not out of the woods yet, but I notice I am using fewer pain meds.

What a crazy life.

Unsure...but it's Friday

2005-09-16T15:23:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what to think about the results of the nerve surgery I had over 2 weeks ago. I felt great around days 7-11 post op, but had a bad, bad spell on days 11-14. Now I'm back to feeling quite a bit better.

Who knows.

I see the pain specialist/surgereon next week, followed by my regular neurologist 2 days later. Then, 2 more days after that I see the main doctor in the neurologists' shared practice. I want to touch base with him about what's been going on this past year.

Ok, so, today is Friday.

Fridays have always been my favorite day of the week. There's a heightened sense of relief because the weekend is coming, I used to stay up late or fall asleep watching TV on the couch, go out to dinner, etc.

So today my husband is going to look at and possibly buy a new car. Since the car dealership is closer to his office than to our house, he's going straight there from work.

Which means he won't be home before the kids go to bed.

So....I decided (and they don't know yet) to take them out to dinner at a pizza/games place. They will be soooo excited.

My head is fair right now (oh, about a 2 on the pain scale), and they have been good. Why not?

I once saw a slogan on a delivery truck that said "Life is too short, eat out more often".

So, I will.

The heck with caution and finances and hazardous trigger ingredients.

Off we go!!

Insomnia

2005-09-14T02:24:00.000-07:00

This is the worst part of suffering a bout of insomnia: I am so tired, sleepy,exhausted but I cannont fall asleep.

I am comfortable and cozy in my bed, but I can't sleep.

My restless leg syndrome is controlled, but still I can't drift off.

So, here I am on the computer. If I can't sleep I might as well get some stuff done.

My sleeping pill is becoming less and less effective and my neurologist said I'm on its maximum dose aleady.

it sucks.

Travel

2005-09-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

I have recovered 99% from my recent neck/nerve surgery. It was 1 week ago.

I feel encouraged. I have minimal pain in my forehead and the pain in the back of my head comes and goes, but mostly goes.

This is great. I feel hopeful.

The doctor said the full results should be evident within 2-3 weeks after surgery.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm still taking it easy, keeping things simple and calm.

Maybe that's helping my normally raging head (and neck and shoulders).

So I continue to heal and I am smiling.

Now, onto the travel part.

I've packed us up and loaded the car for a family trip to Disneyland. My husband will be home any minute, then I will take the cold items out of the fridge and put them into the waiting cooler, and off we'll go.

Hooray for life.

I'm Writing

2005-09-03T02:03:00.000-07:00

Sure, it's the middle of the night, but that's when I always did my best writing.

I am excited.

I have a few pages saved in a Word document. This is a completely different story than what I started typing recently.

I am tired and will be turning my computer off soon, but I wanted to share a trick to avoid writer's block. I don't know when I heard this, but someone said to always stop before you type it all. Strange, but it means stop typing even though you know what you want to type next.

I know what I want to type next, so I can pick up right where I left off.

What's it about?

An eleven year old girl who gets migraines.

Surgery Over

2005-09-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

I had the cervial radio frequency ablation procedure Wednesday and have been resting since.

It was outpatient; I was back home in less than 4 hours.

I hope this marks the new dawn of my life.

Countdown 2-1-0

2005-08-29T15:14:00.000-07:00

I am less than 48 hours away from having a medical procedure to kill the pain in my head.

This is the third time I am in this position.

Twice I have been denied the procedure due to a sinus infection.

I do not have a fever, I am not ill, I want the procedure.

I am tired and weary from pain and anxiety.

But my goal is to stay calm. I have had medical procedures before and have been awake for them. No big deal. I can do this. I have had 2 babies via c-section and have endured 2 five minute procedures similar to the one I am having Wednesday.

This should be a piece of cake.

But what are my fears?

Obviously fear of pain. Specifically the pain of needles being inserted into my neck. Five times. And then left there until the procedure is over.

All the while I am trying to focus, to breathe, to distance myself from what is actually going on.

Previously I have recited prayers in my mind.

That helps. It's something that comes naturally. I don't need to wonder what the next word or phrase is, like I might with a song.

So for right now I am in a nesting phase.

I have oiled our wooden cabinets and furniture. I have wiped down doors and baseboards. The laudry is all caught up.

I did treat myself to a pedicure this afternoon, and then lunch at an upscale fast-food restaurant.

In less than 48 hours I might be sidelined for the recovery phase, but the big procedure will be behind me.

I look forward to that.

Ick

2005-08-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am tired, weary, and feel bogged down.

I'm getting hot flashes which my ob/gyn says are just due to the summer heat and maybe an overload of sugary foods.

I took my kids to a movie theatre today and made sure they had sweaters to wear during the movie. It's a strange phenomena (sp?) here in the desert. If it's over 100 degrees outside, you better take a sweater to restuarants, grocery stores, and even the mall. The establishments really cool down their buildings, so you're constantly going from hot (outside) to cold (inside).

Normally I would be cold, too.

But it felt sooooo good to be in a freezing building.

I'm not just the weather and my recent food choices. I think it's the hormone replacement therapy becoming ineffective.

But what do I know...I'm just a patient.

A patient who needs to NOT show up with a fever to a medical procedure this coming Wednesday. It has been postponed twice due to illness and I WANT this to finally take place.

Ugh.

Looking Ahead

2005-08-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

Today is a Tuesday in August.

I have a few things I am either looking forward to or just looking ahead to, as if measuing time.

This weekend my husband is having friends over to do their Fantasy Football Draft and play Texas Hold 'Em. I offered to make the food for these guys. I love entertaining. I learned from the best --- my parents. I learned about prioritizing, planning, and cooking from an early age. A party is a big deal in my family.

So the "boys" will have things like garlic butter pita chips with artichoke dip, homemade chili, and brownies.

My daughters and I will leave them to their party and spend the night at my parents' house. This will be a treat for everyone involved.

Then, one week from tomorrow I am having a surgical procedure. This is my current "Migraine Cure". Yes, I try to stay rational and remind myself that it might not help the daily, live-altering pain. But at the same time I am hopeful.

Then, one week after that procedure my husband and I are driving with our daughters to Disneyland. We will drive for about 6-7 hours Wednesday, then spend Thursday, Friday, and Saturday bouncing between Disneyland and California Adventure. FUN!

We have called ahead for priority seating at the Blue Bayou (restaurant inside Pirates of the Caribbean) for Thursday's lunch, and Ariel's Grotto (At Calif. Adv.) for Friday's lunch. Saturday is up for grabs. We will probably eat at Blue Bayou again.

So I try to make it through each day by looking ahead to these events.

The major event of course being the medical procedure. This involves my doctor inserting 5 needles in my neck and heating them to burn the nerves that sense pain in my forehead. Sure, there are pros and cons involved. But I have to try this.

I know it's not curing my migraine disease. I know I will still have symptoms like auras, nausea, and fatigue. But the pain might potentially be gone for almost a year. That is enough for me to give this a try.

I'm also looking forward to a drop in outdoor temperatures. I live in Arizona. It is still around 105 each day. September will cool off a little, averaging about 100. Any relief from the heat is welcomed.

So I'll just keep plugging along in my little ways, keeping my focus on the events that are ahead.

Emerging

2005-08-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

It's 1:22pm on a Thursday. I have about 10 minutes before I need to leave the house to pick up my 2 girls from preschool.

This is the first year they are both in school.

I like this.

I don't want to sound mean, cold, or un-motherly, but I really like this time alone.

My oldest is going to be 5 in October. I worked 2 days a week after she was born, and then part time again after my second child 17 months later. I finally quit my job in July of 2003.

To have this time to myself after almost 5 years is so healing.

I am blasting MP3s as loud as my migraine-prone head can tolerate, and it's great. I'm singing along to KISS and Motley Crue and Offspring, and even Slaughter (yes, I was a headbanger in my younger days). These are songs I don't want my kids exposed to yet, but songs I love.

Singing and music in general have always been therapeutic for me. I play the flute. I enjoy a wide range of music. But singing is one the easiest ways for me to change my mood.

I was a ranting, raving woman this morning trying to get the kids ready for school and teaching them manners at the same time(Mama, I want more milk, or Mama, I want to wear a dress really get on my nerves instead of Mama, can I have more milk please?)

Ugh.

But now, after cranking up some tunes, I feel jazzed.

I'm going to hop in my Mom-mobile (the station wagon) and listen to some more great music while driving to their school. After they join me, it will be back to Disney music, although they are cute little Duran Duran fans....

I feel happy right now. I'm actually smiling. Not something that happens much when I'm alone, but I'm remembering what it's like to be me...

Hooray!

Never Satisfied

2005-08-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

I keep changing the name of my blog. For those of you who have bookmarked it as "Tidbitd", that name is gone. After a few changes just today, I am now "The Revolution and the Evolution of a Migraineur".

And now that's I'm thinking about it, wouldn't something like "Queen of Migraines and the Revolution" sound even better?

But I lay no claim to Queen of Migraines. That's a title I neither want or am worthy of. There are others worse off than I am.

So, should you find it important, feel free to change any title you might have listed in your own blog directory (and I know some of you do have mine listed in your directory), just know that now you have to keep checking if I changed it again.

This should keep things interesting.

So, how's the writing coming, you ask?

I actaully started and saved less than a page in a Word document. Big progress for me.

Brief history:

Started writing in a notebook with a pen when I was 11. My characters had drama going on! The popular shows at the time included "Dallas" and "Dynasty".

During summer vacations from high school I would belt out plots in a typewriter at 1am. My dad kindly asked me to stop. Typewriters could be a little loud.

Then I wrote for my high school yearbook for 2 years.

After that I took Creative Writing twice in college. Once it focused on poetry (I can rhyme but I have no depth), and once on fiction (my passion).

Part of the fiction course requried us to submit query letters and/or sample chapters to 3 actual real-life publishers. I did. In turn I got 3 rejections letters.

Well, that was many moons ago. Before PCs. Before I got married (and I have been married for 10 years).

My poor husband just tunes me out when I say I'm going to start writing again. He has heard this a lot over the years.

But this time, given my successful conversion from a typewriter to a PC, I should actaully be able to keep up with my thoughts as I type.

Ok, now I will try to let sleep come, but insomnia has been my foe lately. Hmmm...still a few more days until I see my neurologist and will discuss this inability to fall asleep...

Better Days

2005-08-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday turned out alot better than it started. I only had to take my moderate-level meds instead of the severe-level ones.

I have been thinking more and more about resuming my attempts at writing fiction.

I want to produce something I am proud of.

Recently I have had more time alone. My two preschool age daughters are back in school for the new school year. For the first time, I am alone for about 2 hours a day. During these two hours, the old characters and dialouge are coming back to me.

This used to me a more common occurance in late high school and early college, when I had mundane jobs which allowed my mind to wander while washing dishes or chopping vegetables.

I am encouraged by the return of these little dramas playing out in my head.

Now I need to be disciplined enough to act on this and start cranking out some rough drafts.

My biggest questions has always been whether to use an alias.

I once heard a quote about writer's fame being the best type of fame to have: famous enough to get a good table at a restaurant, but not famous enough to be prevented from eating. I don't know who gets credit for that quote, nor is it the exact wording, but is sure sounds good to me.

How and Why

2005-08-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

How can it be possible that I felt good for 36 hours and now I'm back to feeling crummy?

I mean, I felt really good. Well, aside from the freaky auras.

Cranky, complaining, stuck-in-a-rut thoughts.

Why can't I just accept the fact that this is my life?

Why am I constantly seeking "new and better" treatments for relief of pain and freaky auras?

Well, this is a sucky post. No real message here. Just rambling.

I don't like today.

Insomnia

2005-08-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the sleeping pill I switched to 3 months ago has stopped working.

I have an office visit scheduled with my neurologist on Saturday. I will add this concern to my list of questions/comments/observations.

I am disappointed going in to this office visit.

My good doctor has arranged for me to have a procedure called radio frequency ablation. Unfortuanately, due to insurance reasons, I had to find an ansesthesiologist/pain management doctor on my own.

So now I've been pimped out to this other doctor, the one actually doing the procedure.

My neurologist got the ball rolling back in early June. This should have been a done deal by now, 2 months later.

But life doesn't follow my plans, I follow life's.

The death of my uncle required me to travel out of state for the funeral. I was to have the first of these 3 sessions the day after returning from the trip. I cancelled it because I knew I would be emotionally drained and physically weary.

So I waited 7 more days to get going with this. From that point on it would be 7 more days for procedure #2, then 7 more days for procedure #3. #1 and #2 went as scheduled.

I showed up for #3. This was it. I was literally minutes away from being on the raod to recovery from daily headaches, muscle tension, and grief. I was scared but I was ready.

Well, here comes Life again, changing the plans.

As the nurse took my vitals, she discovered I had a fever. After consulting with the doctor, he sent me home.

I did not take this well.

But ok, fine, why risk bad things from this. Ok, I'll reschedule.

Only I had to reschedule for 14 days from that date due to the doctor's upcoming vacation.

So procedure #3, the all-important, all-hopes-riding-on-this-one has been delayed.

Then, 2 days before the new date rolls around, I turn up with a sinus infection and start an antibiotic. I called my pain doctor with this news. His reply: he won't do the procedure until I am 14 days passed the last dose of the antibiotic.

OH MY GOSH, CAN LIFE STICK IT TO ME AGAIN?

Fine.

What can I do?

SO I am now scheduled for August 31.

When I go in to see my neurologist this weekend I should have been 3 and a half weeks passed the last procedure. I should have been able to tell her if it worked or now. I should have been able to ask her if I can reduce my daily preventive meds. I should have been able to tell her a lot of things.

But instead, I will be telling her I continue to have daily auras. They are getting worse.

I will be telling her the pain is back in full force because the last round of Botox has worn off.

But the Botox shouldn't have been an issue because my damn nerves should have already been zapped by now!

UGH!

Oh, and did I mention I have insomnia?

Bike Riding

2005-08-14T20:20:00.000-07:00

Today I rode my bike. It was just a few minutes in front of my house. The weather was finally cool enough and I finally had enough energy, motivation, and/or interest.

It felt great. I liked feeling the wind in my hair; I felt free.

Like I've Been Hit By A Truck

2005-08-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I wound up in bed, drugged, disoriented, and starving.

Today my neck and shoulders are tight, my back hurts, and my head is "thick".

This is how I feel the day after a severe migraine attack.

Sure, I have the daily-neverending head pain.

But add to that a bizarre, frightening numbness in my face and my hand, the inability to speak, and a strange loss of vision in part of my left eye and you begin to know what a migraine attack is for me.

After the 45 or so minutes of the so called aura phase, the pain came. I took the appropriate drugs. Then I rested. Hard to do with a 3 year old and a 4 year old.

Then I finally had something to eat.

And eventually went to bed.

Today I'm back to status quo: mild head pain with occasional shooting pains here and there.

I wonder what the day holds.

Not too consistent yet

2005-08-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, well, I am not too disciplined about this whole blogging thing yet.

Another purpose of this blog is to encourage me to write everyday.

I used to be an aspiring writer. Ok, so who hasn't been at one point or another?

However, I started writing fiction at age 11. Nothing major, just ideas, plots, and scenes that entered my mind.

Various obsticles arose during that last several (read: 24) years.

Now what? No more pens and notebooks, no more typewriters. I have a PC, great typing skills, and the desire to write again.

There was an article in my local neighborhood twice-a-month newspaper about a writers group that meets at a mom-and-pop coffee place. I thought about checking them out but there is a problem. It is for writers over 40. I am in my mid-30s. So....maybe I'll call the contact phone number that was in the paper and ask for an exception.

In the meantime, I feel accomplished just having blogged today, as it is one of my goals.

Smiles!

Way Too Tired

2005-08-07T00:58:00.000-07:00

Still new to this blog. Still new to blogging in general.

It's 1am. I am tired but I want to stay awake.

More another day...

Weary

2005-05-09T03:21:00.000-07:00

I am struggling.

I'm tired but I have insomnia.

The sleeping pill didn't work.

My chest is tight with anxiety. Or is it just a side effect of the Migranal/DHE treatment I'm doing. I've taken 7 of the 9 doses in this treatment, just like I did a month ago. And, just like a month ago, my chest is hurting. HMMM....maybe it's not anxiety after all.

I have given responsibility of this disease to God. It's in His hands now. I choose to accept that this is how my life is, but it sure sucks.

Testing, Testing 1 2 3

2005-05-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am welcoming myself to my new blog.